Was going to title this We all want to be different, we all want to be the same, but it was too long. It’s the title of an essay I’m writing. Started off we had a discussion yesterday about how we all have things about us we want to change, I can think of a few I want to change. One guy said he wanted a bigger willy and everyone laughed. Miss C said lots of men with small genitals feel the same. He got really pissy when she said this and reckoned his wasn’t small and how she was out of order, but he started it and was trying to embarrass Miss C and he got shown up as a result.
We all want to be the same. I want to have the same designer gear. The same hairstyle, the same sex drive. I want to be the same so that I don’t draw attention to myself. So that I blend in. Started reading mirrorboys blog last night, thanks for the recommendation. So identified with his feelings about being forced to come out and the reaction people have when you do. I’ve always denied being gay when asked. Most people only ask so that they can find a reason to hate you. I don’t think I’ve been asked by anyone who actually fancied me.
So we talked about why people look for differences in others. Major discussion about bullying, cos if you don’t dress, behave, act the same people focus on the difference. Wish I could write about being different in my essay. Then you come back to the idea of wanting to be different, so it’s like a circular argument. We don’t want to be identical to the person next to us but we don’t want to appear different to them. It’s been a big post, it’s gonna be a bigger essay. Gotta week to write it.
Sat on the bus last night and this guy got on. He looked fabulous. Cool clothes, hair highlighted and spiky, real expensive looking watch. He sat at the front so I was able to keep catching glimpses of him, then he moved to the seat infront of me and I though I bet he smells good too. He didn’t especially. I was thinking how much I wanted to be like him but then he had a tan and I thought I bet it’s fake, either he’s been on the sunbed or it’s sprayed. It was how he wanted to look but it wasn’t how I’d want to look. He wasn’t especially hot but he was good looking.
Lots of thoughts, lots of ideas. I could keep writing but this is getting major long so I’m gonna stop. Now!
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1 comment:
whitegoods
I think we all want to feel accepted by others and some of us have that need for acceptance from others that drives us to dress in the latest fashions
and seek the same material posessions as others but it is our souls that make us different also and our souls are more empathetic to others who are suffering.
It is easy to feel mboys pain but if you go back to the begining before he was outed he also denied being gay.
we all do as a self preservation measure. But when if and you are ready to come out always think before you leap and be prepared for the process, and hey once you are out maybe someone will fancy you :)
And i agree we all want to stand out in the crowd that is why some buy the sports car or the motor cylce, but again its is that little voice inside of you that keeps you balanced in life and that is more important than being the same or being different i think
mboys blog is a wondeful blog to read written by a really nice person send him an email some day
take care and be safe
bob
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