Busted

Apologies for not having updated my blog. I got busted on Monday for accessing ‘inappropriate material’ on the pc and had my access privilege revoked. Means I can’t go on the pc’s at the library and I’m scared to blog on my home pc incase my mum finds my blog. Wouldn’t take her long to realise it was me writing it. So Krisis Point is at an end, for now. Can’t write for long because I’m doing this in school time and if I get busted for blogging when I’m supposed to be doing CDT I will be well stuffed. Thanks for looing in. GTG. x

Someone to watch over me

How’s this for a hang-up? How many of u people believe that when someone close to you dies their spirit still visits you? I have this real feeling at times that my dad is still somewhere near me, even though I can’t see him. Sometimes it’s reassuring but I gotta confess that when I’m in bed at night it can be a bit distracting to think that maybe he’s watching what I’m doing. I know you’ll say he must’ve done the same when he was my age, but I’m finding it’s really putting me off my stroke, so to speak.

My bro and I have been invited to go camping at the beginning of May but my mum’s not sure whether to let us go. It sounds really good. It’s up in the mountains and there is nothing up there. You’re allowed to light camp fires and the camp site has all the facilities you need, including really good showers. I so wanna go. My cousin has invited us and he’s been before and says how good it is. How can I persuade my mum to let us go?

Straight acting

Okay, you guys who aren’t from the UK probably won’t have heard of a tv programme called Sex, how to do everything. It goes out on digital satellite and this week was about anal. Some of us were talking about it today and how we’d feel if someone wanted to touch us there. The show featured a couple and she did him with a ‘strap on’. The guy got his turn, but obviously he didn’t need an artificial one. It was certainly educational. I had no idea straight guys did that sort of thing. I also thought it was illegal to do it, but here it was on tv. They showed where a guys P spot is and said how good it feels to be touched there. I remember seeing one of the American Pie movies where a girl puts her finger up one of the guys butts and he cums straight away. I’ve tried putting my finger in mine but it didn’t make me cum. I can’t ever imagine having anal sex with someone. So I’m never gonna have gay sex. I very nearly asked whether anyone had seen the bit in Queer as Folk where the older guy licks the young lads butt and then thought better of it when I realised these guys had probably never even heard of Queer as Folk. Has anyone reading this ever had someone do that to them. It is really horny because the lad is quite tasty and looks to be enjoying it. It’s obviously all acting. I’m studying acting skills and think it’s such a give away when a young actor has to pretend to be having an orgasm or any sexual pleasure because you know he’s had to think about how he looks in real life when he cums. Another of my favourite shows is Shameless. I don’t always get to watch it because my mum doesn’t approve, but again there’s a young guy in that who has loads of scenes where he’s having sex. Do you think it’s a give away that I know loads of male actors but don’t know many female? When guys talk about their favourite stars I never know who to say because mine are all male.

Bless me father...

All I can say is I’m glad I don’t do confession. On Friday I got invited over to a friend’s house to watch a DVD he’d borrowed called 9 Songs. His step brother was there but his step dad was away and his mum wasn’t due back from work until 7. The movie is about a couple and basically they go to concerts and shag. They don’t shag at the concerts but they do all around their house. There was lots of really close up shots of them naked and the guy’s hardon. There was one bit where he gives her oral and you see her pussy really close up. We had to rewind that bit loads of times. I was amazed when it showed him cumming after she’s been going down on him. Of course we all got horny but everyone stayed decent, even though we were all touching ourselves. It was so close to cumming but managed not to. His step brother undid his trousers and was playing with himself in his boxer shorts but he didn’t take them off. I had the most enormous hardon and had to walk back to the bus stop desperate to cum. There are loads of field round where he lives so I stopped by one of the gates and did the deed there. There was no one around to see me thankfully.

Been horny all weekend. Saturday after swimming I went into the town to look round the shops. Didn’t buy anything but sat in Starbucks for ages people watching, especially the guy serving. His hair was dyed bleach blond and spiked and it looked fabulous. He spoke in that kind of way that gay guys do. Is there a gay way to speak? There was another guy there working on his laptop. I watched him taking his jacket off and then a top so that he just had a black tee shirt on. When he got up and put his stuff back on his tee lifted up to show his belly. Had to try very hard not to stare it was sooo horny.

Back to the movie. There’s one bit where they share a bath and he’s got a hardon and she’s touching it with her feet. Mum makes us have a bath on Sundays. My kid sister and brother go in before me. I get the same water they’ve already used but topped up so it’s still hot. We used to all go in together but not since we got bigger. I don’t really mind going last, they wouldn’t like going in after me. Not after what I do in it ;-) So last night I couldn’t help thinking about this bit in the movie and I’d wanked off in the water, then my mum walked in. There’s four of us in the house and only one bathroom so when we have a bath or a shower we leave the door unlocked so that anyone desperate for the loo can get in. It’s okay if I’m in the shower but a bit more awkward in the bath. I have to sit up and hide my bits if someone comes in. I was worried my mum would see my cum floating in the water. She was annoyed because I’d taken a phone message and promised to get her to phone back when she came in, but I forgot to pass the message on. Dunno if she saw anything or not but she didn’t say nuthin.

Well now I’ve used the W word on my blog. I was trying not to but it’s easier than being all coy about it and all guys do it. Why do people talk about abusing yourself? Why is it abuse? I can’t figure that one out.

The trousers I’m wearing today have got a hole in the pocket which is big enough to get two or three fingers through. It started with a little hole but I deliberately made it bigger. Wish now I hadn’t because if I forget and put something in the pocket it just falls out. Gary, the guy whose house I went to asked me if I’d enjoyed Friday. He wants us to do it again sometime. Wish I could invite him to our house but it’s so small and I share a room with my bro so can’t have anyone sleep over. The playstation is in my mum’s room on a portable tv and even though we have in the past, she doesn’t like us taking our friends in there to play on it.

Any how. I’ve written loads so I’m gonna stop again for today. Thank you again to those of you who spend your time reading this. I hope soon to have enough confidence to get a link to some of the bigger blogs you’ve recommended and maybe get some more people reading this.

Movie night

Can’t type much tonight. Friend has asked me round to his place to watch a dvd “9 songs”. Just Googled it and it sound dead raunchy. He seems pretty keen. He’s not really a best friend, I don’t have any of those here yet, but he’s a pretty decent guy. GTG l8rs.

A bigger willy

Was going to title this We all want to be different, we all want to be the same, but it was too long. It’s the title of an essay I’m writing. Started off we had a discussion yesterday about how we all have things about us we want to change, I can think of a few I want to change. One guy said he wanted a bigger willy and everyone laughed. Miss C said lots of men with small genitals feel the same. He got really pissy when she said this and reckoned his wasn’t small and how she was out of order, but he started it and was trying to embarrass Miss C and he got shown up as a result.

We all want to be the same. I want to have the same designer gear. The same hairstyle, the same sex drive. I want to be the same so that I don’t draw attention to myself. So that I blend in. Started reading mirrorboys blog last night, thanks for the recommendation. So identified with his feelings about being forced to come out and the reaction people have when you do. I’ve always denied being gay when asked. Most people only ask so that they can find a reason to hate you. I don’t think I’ve been asked by anyone who actually fancied me.

So we talked about why people look for differences in others. Major discussion about bullying, cos if you don’t dress, behave, act the same people focus on the difference. Wish I could write about being different in my essay. Then you come back to the idea of wanting to be different, so it’s like a circular argument. We don’t want to be identical to the person next to us but we don’t want to appear different to them. It’s been a big post, it’s gonna be a bigger essay. Gotta week to write it.

Sat on the bus last night and this guy got on. He looked fabulous. Cool clothes, hair highlighted and spiky, real expensive looking watch. He sat at the front so I was able to keep catching glimpses of him, then he moved to the seat infront of me and I though I bet he smells good too. He didn’t especially. I was thinking how much I wanted to be like him but then he had a tan and I thought I bet it’s fake, either he’s been on the sunbed or it’s sprayed. It was how he wanted to look but it wasn’t how I’d want to look. He wasn’t especially hot but he was good looking.

Lots of thoughts, lots of ideas. I could keep writing but this is getting major long so I’m gonna stop. Now!

Why does it always rain...

Why can I not tell the truth? Something somebody said about my dad got me upset yesterday. One of the proctors (like prefects) saw I was crying so stopped to ask what was the matter. I told her I wasn’t feeling well so she took me to the pastoral room for the rest of the day. They must’ve told my mum because she was fussing over me and we had my favourite for tea, filled pancakes. Had so many people asking me what’s wrong and I just can’t talk about it but they just won’t stop asking and I just can’t handle the questions. Save you askin, my dad‘s died... no need to ask now and no need to comment either.

Looking good, feelin sh*t

Saturday, went looking for new clothes. Found a Bench shop I didn’t know existed. Found a coat which I liked but couldn’t afford. Bought a tee shirt, red and white, which I thought would look good. School visit to theatre in the evening. Got ready in jeans, trainers and my new tee and when I showed my mum she said could you not have got one that fitted? Felt embarrassed and cross with her because I thought it looked good. It’s meant to be tight but she teased me about being able to see my nipples through it. Ended up getting changed and going out feeling miserable. The show was alright, it was about the First World War, had really good 3D effects in it though.

Boing!

Weirdest thing. Just watched a video online where this guy has taken viagra and then something to make him sleep. So he’s absolutely sound asleep with a boner and another guy undresses him and jerks him off, cleans him up and dresses him again all without waking him up. Is this for real, I mean why would you take viagra if you weren’t planning to get your end away and would a guy shoot his load if he was that asleep? Can’t imagine what it’s like taking viagra. Not that I would, I go around with an almost permanent stiffy as it is. Not helped by the fact that my mum bought me some new boxers and they’re baggier than I’m used to. I can feel everything swinging around. Much prefer CK, they hold everything in place. When I get hard in these there’s nothing to hold it down unless I poke it under the waistband. Oh, they’re I go again, boing!

Peeping at pool

Not had much to write about the last couple of days. Loads of course work to do so I’ve been a busy boy. Added my email address to my profile as requested. Not getting too many visitors but thanks to those of you who have visited and answered my poll. Glad it’s not just me who misbehaves by taking a peek at other guys. I’m not cut but my skin doesn’t cover my tip. There’s a guy at swimming and his makes a little knot of skin at the end which I can’t help noticing whenever we get changed together. The changing rooms are open. There are cubicles but nobody uses them unless their really chicken.

Come clean

Okay, time to come clean. I said I go to church, what I should of said is that I am a Christian, I’ve made a commitment and that’s giving me a real dilemma, should I carry on blogging? I like the idea of sharing thoughts with other people, I can’t be as honest with friends and family as I can whilst blogging. But I really beat myself up when I visit other blogs and see some of the pictures posted on them, the explicit ones, you know what I mean.

I find myself loggin in and then start exploring and if the blog warns of explicit content I don’t always say no, I go and take a peak. I know that if I didn’t blog I wouldn’t have the same temptation. I still go surfing for porn but I can fight that temptation better than I can when I come on blogger.

I know that if I was a better Christian I would be able to resist the temptation to look at porn all together and then there’s the other things in my life which I do which I know I shouldn’t. Do you think I should stay blogging or not?

Thanks for reading this and for any replies.

Porn addiction

Last night was unbelievable. Our youth group at church (yeah I go to church) got to lead the worship, part of which one of the youth pastors giving his testimony. There’s more people there than usual and he starts talking about where he used to go to church before he joined ours. He gets to when he turned 12 and he got addicted to porn. He stood infront of all these people and tells everyone about how he bought magazine and surfed the web for porn. What effect it had on his family. How his parents were affected and how he still has a problem. I was stunned, but everyone was so supportive. I could never do what he did. So funny at the end, we’re all chatting and one of the girls says to him, what have you given up for lent. So insensitive. I immediately thought about the obvious answer. It was amazing too because he did all this infront of his parents and his younger brother and sister. Brave guy I can tell you.

Bummer

Saturday, my kid sister is off at camp with cubs. Went to swimming in the morning. Got my hair cut, had a shower, got all ready to go out and had to stay home because the baby sitter didn’t show up and my mum was going out. Not fair. She doesn’t go out much and has only just got to the stage where she’ll leave me to look after my bro or sis when she’s out. My brother has just got a new game and spends all his time on the PC playing it so I couldn’t get on to check my emails or add to my blog. He got a letter saying there’s a place for him to come to the same school as me come the new summer term. Good job really, the school nearest us is a complete dump.