Why does it always rain...

Why can I not tell the truth? Something somebody said about my dad got me upset yesterday. One of the proctors (like prefects) saw I was crying so stopped to ask what was the matter. I told her I wasn’t feeling well so she took me to the pastoral room for the rest of the day. They must’ve told my mum because she was fussing over me and we had my favourite for tea, filled pancakes. Had so many people asking me what’s wrong and I just can’t talk about it but they just won’t stop asking and I just can’t handle the questions. Save you askin, my dad‘s died... no need to ask now and no need to comment either.

Looking good, feelin sh*t

Saturday, went looking for new clothes. Found a Bench shop I didn’t know existed. Found a coat which I liked but couldn’t afford. Bought a tee shirt, red and white, which I thought would look good. School visit to theatre in the evening. Got ready in jeans, trainers and my new tee and when I showed my mum she said could you not have got one that fitted? Felt embarrassed and cross with her because I thought it looked good. It’s meant to be tight but she teased me about being able to see my nipples through it. Ended up getting changed and going out feeling miserable. The show was alright, it was about the First World War, had really good 3D effects in it though.

Boing!

Weirdest thing. Just watched a video online where this guy has taken viagra and then something to make him sleep. So he’s absolutely sound asleep with a boner and another guy undresses him and jerks him off, cleans him up and dresses him again all without waking him up. Is this for real, I mean why would you take viagra if you weren’t planning to get your end away and would a guy shoot his load if he was that asleep? Can’t imagine what it’s like taking viagra. Not that I would, I go around with an almost permanent stiffy as it is. Not helped by the fact that my mum bought me some new boxers and they’re baggier than I’m used to. I can feel everything swinging around. Much prefer CK, they hold everything in place. When I get hard in these there’s nothing to hold it down unless I poke it under the waistband. Oh, they’re I go again, boing!

Peeping at pool

Not had much to write about the last couple of days. Loads of course work to do so I’ve been a busy boy. Added my email address to my profile as requested. Not getting too many visitors but thanks to those of you who have visited and answered my poll. Glad it’s not just me who misbehaves by taking a peek at other guys. I’m not cut but my skin doesn’t cover my tip. There’s a guy at swimming and his makes a little knot of skin at the end which I can’t help noticing whenever we get changed together. The changing rooms are open. There are cubicles but nobody uses them unless their really chicken.

Come clean

Okay, time to come clean. I said I go to church, what I should of said is that I am a Christian, I’ve made a commitment and that’s giving me a real dilemma, should I carry on blogging? I like the idea of sharing thoughts with other people, I can’t be as honest with friends and family as I can whilst blogging. But I really beat myself up when I visit other blogs and see some of the pictures posted on them, the explicit ones, you know what I mean.

I find myself loggin in and then start exploring and if the blog warns of explicit content I don’t always say no, I go and take a peak. I know that if I didn’t blog I wouldn’t have the same temptation. I still go surfing for porn but I can fight that temptation better than I can when I come on blogger.

I know that if I was a better Christian I would be able to resist the temptation to look at porn all together and then there’s the other things in my life which I do which I know I shouldn’t. Do you think I should stay blogging or not?

Thanks for reading this and for any replies.

Porn addiction

Last night was unbelievable. Our youth group at church (yeah I go to church) got to lead the worship, part of which one of the youth pastors giving his testimony. There’s more people there than usual and he starts talking about where he used to go to church before he joined ours. He gets to when he turned 12 and he got addicted to porn. He stood infront of all these people and tells everyone about how he bought magazine and surfed the web for porn. What effect it had on his family. How his parents were affected and how he still has a problem. I was stunned, but everyone was so supportive. I could never do what he did. So funny at the end, we’re all chatting and one of the girls says to him, what have you given up for lent. So insensitive. I immediately thought about the obvious answer. It was amazing too because he did all this infront of his parents and his younger brother and sister. Brave guy I can tell you.

Bummer

Saturday, my kid sister is off at camp with cubs. Went to swimming in the morning. Got my hair cut, had a shower, got all ready to go out and had to stay home because the baby sitter didn’t show up and my mum was going out. Not fair. She doesn’t go out much and has only just got to the stage where she’ll leave me to look after my bro or sis when she’s out. My brother has just got a new game and spends all his time on the PC playing it so I couldn’t get on to check my emails or add to my blog. He got a letter saying there’s a place for him to come to the same school as me come the new summer term. Good job really, the school nearest us is a complete dump.